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It’s Time to Have The Conversation

April 18, 2023

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, which is an important time for non-profits and advocacy groups to raise awareness of child abuse and neglect. The statistics on child abuse are overwhelming. One in four girls — and one in six boys — will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Most victims suffer in silence. It is estimated that more than 90 percent of abuse victims never report what happened to them. Even more alarming is that more than 90 percent of perpetrators are someone that an abused child knows and trusts – a coach, camp counselor, teacher, someone in their faith community, or a family member. This is a public health crisis our communities must face.

April is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month, in which 1 in 6 women and 1 in 26 men will experience a sexual assault in adulthood. Young men in college face a risk of sexual assault five times higher than the national average. This month is a rallying cry across the state and nation to urge our community to come together to make a difference.

So, for these two important awareness initiatives, Children’s Cove, Independence House, a Safe Place Nantucket and CONNECT to End Violence have partnered in an effort to create a joint public awareness poster campaign titled “It’s Time to Have the Conversation.” With this first collaborative campaign, for the first time in our organizations’ histories, we are united to bring the issues of exploitation, assault and abuse of adults and children to the forefront of our community conversations. We need to engage our community at a broader level to truly impact the future. The poster features bold colors to catch attention, Cape & Island imagery, concise language, and a QR code and website URL where anyone can learn about the services our agencies provide on the Cape and Islands. The website includes direct access to emergency hotlines to help survivors of abuse gain access to supportive services.

As part of the campaign, we are partnering with local area Chambers of Commerce to encourage local businesses to share these posters in spaces such as bathrooms or other communal areas where victims of abuse may see them and learn about help available to them. Each of our organizations will also be distributing posters across our community to raise awareness, and work together on a matching social media campaign.

Our message has been missing in locations that people frequent. It is missing in restaurants and bars. It is missing in recreational centers and activities. It is missing in hotels and resorts. We are missing in the places most people work, or shop, or get their lunch. For too long, our visibility has been missing from most people’s lives. For too long, sexual and domestic violence has remained a taboo subject hidden in the shadows, which increases the likelihood of the victimization, and minimizes the chances someone will receive support.

As a community, we cannot afford to do that anymore.

Sexual assault, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, and sexual exploitation happens here. It happens in every town on Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard, and Nantucket. These issues impact people of all ages, genders, cultural backgrounds, and socioeconomic status.

“It’s Time to Have the Conversation.” It’s time to bring these issues to light.

We believe we can create communities where everyone lives free from abuse, has a voice that is heard, and can enjoy healthy, safe, and empowered lives. And we need your help to do it.

If you would like to support the mission to raise awareness about these issues, please reach out to the representative from the organization that serves your area:

Jacob Stapledon, Children’s Cove, Jacob.Stapledon@childrenscove.org

Chris Morin, Independence House, ChrisM@indhouse.net

Morgan Beausoleil, CONNECT to End Violence, MBeausoleil@mvcommunityservices.org

Rachel Devine, A Safe Place Nantucket, rachel@asafeplacenantucket.org

A special thank you to each member of this committee in their incredible work on this project. And an additional special thanks to the team at Pierce-Coté Advertising for turning the concept of our vision into reality.

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Adverse Childhood Experiences: The Hidden Public Health Crisis

March 20, 2023

In 2014, Pediatrician Nadine Burke, later appointed as Surgeon General of California (2019-2022), presented a TedTalk which summarized a major public health crisis impacting Americans. Dr. Burke Harris stated:

In the mid-’90s, the CDC and Kaiser Permanente discovered an exposure that dramatically increased the risk for seven out of ten of the leading causes of death in the United States. In high doses, it affects brain development, the immune system, hormonal systems, and even the way our DNA is read and transcribed. Folks who are exposed in very high doses have triple the lifetime risk of heart disease and lung cancer and a 20-year difference in life expectancy. And yet, doctors today are not trained in routine screening or treatment. Now, the exposure I’m talking about is not a pesticide or a packaging chemical. It’s childhood trauma.”

When Dr. Burke Harris references childhood trauma, she explains that this term falls under a larger category of what is called Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) define ACE as “…traumatic events that occur in childhood such as experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect, witnessing violence in the home or community and/or having a family member attempt or die by suicide. Also included are aspects of the child’s environment that can undermine their sense of safety, stability, and bonding, such as growing up in a household with substance use, mental health problems, or instability due to parental separation or household members being in jail or prison.” According to the CDC, 61% of adults surveyed had experienced at least one type of ACE before age 18, and nearly 1 in 6 reported they had experienced four or more.

The original ACE study in the 1990’s, in which more than 17,000 individuals across 25 states participated, found a direct link between a high of number of ACEs causing greater negative outcomes across the span of a person’s life.

This is illustrated by the CDC’s ACE Pyramid:

Additional surveys taken in the late 2010’s, assessing the impacts of ACE in smaller and more diverse communities have replicated this link and identified that the impacts of ACE may also increase the risk for the commercial sexual exploitation of children.

With such profound results and studies about ACE, it is concerning that so many in the general public haven’t heard of it. In our community engagement and education efforts, Children’s Cove has often found that even professionals and community members have heard not of ACE.

It is hard to understand how a public health crisis of this magnitude goes largely unnoticed or unknown in the general community. It certainly isn’t due to the lack of evidence-based information. So why is this? Dr. Burke Harris offers a theory in her TedTalk:

You know, at first I thought that we marginalized the issue because it doesn’t apply to us. That’s an issue for those kids in those neighborhoods. Which is weird, because the data doesn’t bear that out… If I were to ask how many people in this room grew up with a family member who suffered from mental illness, I bet a few hands would go up. And then if I were to ask how many folks had a parent who maybe drank too much, or who really believed that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child, I bet a few more hands would go up. Even in this room, this is an issue that touches many of us, and I am beginning to believe that we marginalize the issue because it does apply to us. Maybe it’s easier to see in other zip codes because we don’t want to look at it. We’d rather be sick.”

Is this the case? Is the lack of awareness, conversation and acknowledgement of the problem exist because it impacts so many of us?

Let’s find out.

The full questionnaire in the original ACE study was very comprehensive with more than 200 questions. So, in order to help more people, the organization ACEs Too High winnowed down those questions to a simple questionnaire, and here it is:

Prior to your 18th birthday:

• Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you or act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
• Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often push, grab, slap, or throw something at you or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?
• Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way or attempt or have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?
• Did you often or very often feel that no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?
• Did you often or very often feel that you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or were your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?
• Were your parents ever separated or divorced?
• Was your mother or stepmother often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her or sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard, or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?
• Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?
• Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?
• Did a household member go to prison?

Every time a person answers “yes” to one of the above questions, it is an affirmation of an Adverse Childhood Experience.

Regardless of the total number, it is important to understand that individuals may be negatively impacted across time, however, it is not a given.  There is hope for a better future when positive experiences, protective factors, and early-intervention efforts are implemented following trauma. These mitigating actions can reduce the influence of ACE to lessen the unhealthy impacts across someone’s lifespan.

We believe that the best way to mitigate the lifelong impacts of ACE in our communities is by talking about it. We need to continue conversations in our family and friend groups, ask teachers, counselors, and pediatricians if they have heard of the ACE study and if not, ask them to learn about it. Our society needs the ACE study to become a requirement in higher education degrees for those who wish to work in counseling, social work, or medicine.

It can be hard for individuals to acknowledge ACE experiences, but in doing so it may change the narrative of one’s own childhood and relationships with family and friends. It can also be beneficial to prevention efforts by helping to identify ways in which families and communities could reduce the likelihood of ACE in the next generation.

Understanding protective factors and working as a community to support children and families is critical, as well as acknowledging the impacts of ACE and how to reduce the effects of these experiences through early intervention. As a Child Advocacy Center for Cape Cod and the Islands, Children’s Cove will utilize evidenced based practices to help children who have experienced violence and abuse. Our network of community providers is here to offer hope and healing to mitigate the long-term impacts of trauma.

If you would like to learn more about how we can create a community where children are free of abuse, have a voice that is heard, and can enjoy healthy, safe, and empowered lives, please contact Jacob Stapledon, Community Engagement and Education Program Manager at Children’s Cove.

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Catfishing and Sextortion: Real World Danger

February 16, 2023

In 2012, MTV started a series which highlighted the deceptive practices of individuals in the online dating world, titled “Catfish.” As a common internet term, “catfish” is someone who creates a fake profile on social media, dating, and chatroom sites. This is often done by combining another person’s photos with false personal information (height, weight, age, etc.) to create a realistic fake identity. Catfishing was dismissed at first, but it is on the rise and can no longer be disregarded, as it carries real burdens, emotional damage, actual physical harm, and sexual exploitation.

A notable case of catfishing was subject of a Netflix documentary, “ Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn’t Exist,” which detailed the events surrounding Notre Dame football player Manti Malietau Louis Te’o, or Manti Te’o. During 2012, Te’o was the victim of an online catfishing relationship which he believed to be real and was very emotionally invested. The perpetrator of the catfishing, Ronaiah “Naya” Tuiasosopo, used photos of a high school acquaintance of hers to develop a fake online identity known as Lennay Kekua. The elaborate details, utilization of photos, stories of a car accident and diagnosis of leukemia kept Te’o invested and involved in this catfishing hoax. Tuiasosopo used other acquaintances to validate their online Lennay persona and when Lennay eventually died from her supposed leukemia illness, Te’o was devastated.

During this catfishing incident, Te’o, a promising NFL prospect, often referenced the death of girlfriend “Lennay” in press conferences and recorded interviews as an influential part of his football career. However, when more questions about her death and his stories about their relationship were raised, it was discovered Lennay did not exist. While it was eventually discovered Te’o was a victim of catfishing, at the time future football prospects were jeopardized due to accusations that he participated in the catfishing hoax to garner public favor. The backlash against Te’o was vicious, and as a result he was isolated, and suffered from severe depression and anxiety.

However, some catfishing cases have escalated into even more dangerous and lethal situations. Thomas Montgomery, a married 46-year-old father of two murdered his co-worker, 22-year-old Brian Barrett as a part of an online love triangle caused by catfishing.

In 2005, Montgomery created the persona of an 18-year-old male in an online chatroom and started an online relationship with an alleged “18-year-old girl.” This relationship took place over a year as he exchanged photos of his younger self with this girl. When his secret was found out and the “girl” discovered his true age, she somehow found and began messaging Montgomery’s co-worker Barret online in the same forum.  Her goal was to make Montgomery angry and jealous.  At the same time, the “girl” known as “talhotblond” continued to chat with Montgomery.  Ultimately, Montgomery’s rage and jealousy grew to the point where he shot and killed Barret. As the investigation unfolded, it came to light that “talhotblond” was actually Mary Shieler, a 45-year-old married mother who had used her daughter’s photos to create her fake online profile to talk to numerous men.

Then in November 2022, catfishing caused a kidnapping and multiple murders that made news headlines for weeks. Austin Lee Edwards, a Virginia State Sheriff’s Deputy, traveled to Riverside California, kidnapped a 15-year-old girl after murdering three of her family members and set their home on fire. Edwards had met this girl online while posing as a 17-year-old male. They had numerous online conversations, shared explicit messages, and images with one another.  Little is known about when, how long, and what platform was used for this online exchange, but the consequences were dire. While the girl was eventually rescued, Edwards died in a shootout with law-enforcement leaving many questions unanswered.

Catfishing is also used for the online sexploitation of children.  This has become a regular practice and is on the rise. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported a 97% increase in cases involving online enticement of children in 2020, and a dramatic increase in cases of sextortion. According to NCMEC, Sextortion “is a form of child sexual exploitation where children are threatened or blackmailed, most often with the possibility of sharing with the public a nude or sexual images of them, by a person who demands additional sexual content, sexual activity or money from the child.”

These situations often arise through the means of catfishing, pretending to be someone similarly aged, making fake profiles, and sending fake or stolen images to gain trust. These cases are on the rise locally as referrals for sexual exploitation of children has increased in southeastern Massachusetts by 40%.  In addition, the targeting of young men for sextortion has increased to become one of the highest targeted groups nationally.

Another recent post by NCMEC details the dire consequences of sexploitation by catfishing:

When we talk about online safety, when we ask parents and teens to Take the Pledge and to Be Smart and Be Safe Online, it isn’t because it is something were just supposed to say. It’s because we are seeing the dramatic increase in catfishing and sexploitation right here on Cape Cod, Nantucket, and Martha’s Vineyard. We are imploring parents and caregivers to Have the Conversation with your children; about online safety, about body safety, about family rules and values. Please start these conversations early, and even if you didn’t, start them now. Have these conversations often, because the risks to children and dangers they may encounter online are just as frequent.

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