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If We can Protect Ourselves from the Pandemic, Why Can’t We Protect Our Children from Sexual Abuse?

April 15, 2021

As we continue to vaccinate and emerge from the darker days of the COVID-19 pandemic, I take pause to think about how our perceptions and behaviors have changed, possibly for good. When I watch TV or movies, for example, with folks crowded together in tight spaces not wearing masks, I can’t help but shudder and think, “Too close!” Similarly, if I leave the house without a mask or hand sanitizer, there’s a slight onset of panic. We all have adopted basic safety behaviors to protect ourselves and our neighbors from COVID-19. We have changed the way we live and our perceptions about risk to stay safe. We know what to do prevent it, and most of us have done so.

But what have we done to prevent child sexual abuse?
The answer is simple: not enough.

The casualties and fallout from COVID-19 are devastating and tragic. There is no question about that. But so, too, are the statistics about child sexual abuse. Research shows that one in four girls, and one in six boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthdays. Most victims suffer in silence, as it is estimated that more than 90 percent of abuse victims never report what happened to them. Are we are going to continue to let this happen?

What if we only knew about 1 in 10 cases of COVID-19 infection? What if we had no way to detect it other than by self-report, and there was no such thing as contact tracing? We might all still be in lockdown, without a vaccine, and infections would continue to surge. We must apply this same rationale to stopping the incidence of child sexual abuse.

If we can find a way to protect ourselves from a pandemic that has killed millions of people this year, we can absolutely find a way to protect our children.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, which is why we are urging our community to come together to make a difference. We ask that parents and caregivers have the conversations about body safety, regularly and often, with their children, their families, and friends. This includes which parts of their bodies are private, not to be touched by anyone, and reminding them they need to immediately tell an adult they trust if someone does touch them inappropriately. If parents and caregivers have concerns that a child isn’t safe, they must reach out for help. It can be awkward, but it’s necessary. It can prevent child sexual abuse.

Adverse childhood experiences leave a lasting impact on children that may follow them for a lifetime. Per the CDC, these experiences can increase the risks of injury, maternal and child health problems, teen pregnancy, involvement in sexual exploitation, and a wide range of chronic diseases and leading causes of death, such as cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and suicide. By shining a light on these “taboo” topics, we can remove stigma and foster change. We have learned that changing our perceptions, responses and behaviors is effective in quelling a pandemic, and the same thing is true for our behaviors and perceptions surrounding child sexual abuse.

Even in these challenging times, we can work together to create a community where children are free of abuse, have a voice that is heard, and where they enjoy healthy, safe, and empowered lives.

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Organizations’ Responsibility to Address Sexual Abuse

March 11, 2021

Trigger Warning, this article contains strong content relative to sexual abuse perpetrators and survivors.

There have been numerous headlines of late with an underlying message that has largely been ignored: organizations need to do more to prevent child sexual abuse. Recently, major national institutions have been highlighted in the regular and pervasive sexual abuse of children. More than 92,000 sexual abuse claims now face the Boy Scouts of America, and they are tied up in legal action going back decades. The Diocese of Fall River of the Catholic Church earlier this year released names and the assignments of 75 clergy members accused of child sexual abuse going back 70 years. And, in a recent development of the USA Gymnastics and Michigan State coverup of the systematic sexual abuse of young girls in gymnastics, former Olympic gymnastics coach John Geddert died by suicide after facing dozens of charges including, sexual assault and human trafficking.

While all of these organizations are different, and unrelated victims were abused over time, these organizations had two things in common: they all had direct services and supports to serve children, and they all systematically covered up reports and evidence of sexual abuse. Organizations that exist to help children have the means and capabilities to stop systemic abuse.

To get to the next step in providing safety to all children is to acknowledge that preventing sexual abuse is a priority in the mission of the organization. For too long, sexual abuse has been a taboo subject hidden in the shadows, increasing the likelihood of the victimization of children. Some organizations confront challenges in their systems, particularly surrounding safety and protocol, but don’t have the policies and guidelines in place to react quickly and appropriately to instances of sexual abuse.

The following are some starting suggestions for organizations to consider in adopting a visible and zero-tolerance policy to sexual abuse:

• Rigorously screen all potential employee’s and volunteers. Go beyond the statewide CORI, include SORI and national searches, for potential offenses in other states.
• Thoroughly check references, and conduct Google and social media searches of applicants.
• Have strong organizational policies and procedures in place that define sexual abuse and explicitly explain and prohibit inappropriate contact, communication, or conduct with children at work or outside of it.
• Limit one-on-one time with staff and employees with children; and monitor the behavior of staff and their interactions with children.
• Have clear mandated reporter training, expectations, and means for confidential internal reporting of concerns of suspicious or inappropriate behavior.
• Inform parents and children of your policies and procedures and encourage conversations between children and parents about body safety. Have these policies posted publicly visible on your website.
• Provide training to your employees about how to recognize, respond and report child abuse. Only 10 percent of children ever disclose sexual abuse, and it is often the ability to recognize behavioral signs and symptoms of abuse to get help to children in need.

When an organization unintentionally invites a predator into their midst, they must have the resources at hand to respond immediately to reports of any sexual misconduct and to prohibit further incidents. We cannot emphasize this enough. It is not easy to identify a predator at first, as they most often are people we know and trust. However, once a predator has been accused of an alleged offense, it must be taken very seriously, with no room for debate or repeated violence.

By having clear zero-tolerance guidelines from the outset, the first instance of alleged sexual abuse will be taken very seriously and not overlooked. These policies must come from leadership, and conversation surrounding sexual abuse and children’s safety should be encouraged. The more we bring these discussions to light, the closer we can get to a future free of sexual abuse of children.

We want to extend our heartfelt apologies to all those affected by sexual abuse, beyond just the Boy Scouts of America, the Diocese of Fall River of the Catholic Church, and U.S. Gymnastics. We seek to share your stories to amplify them and to move towards a future free of sexual abuse.

If your organization would like to learn more about having effective policies, procedures and training to recognize, respond and report child sexual abuse contact Jacob Stapledon, Community Engagement and Education Coordinator at Children’s Cove.

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Sexual Behavior in Children: Let’s Talk About It

February 10, 2021

All children develop natural behaviors related to their bodies and sexual exploration: asking about and commenting on private parts of the body, being curious about others’ bodies compared to their own, even recognizing that certain parts of the body feel good when touched. Sexual exploration and play are a natural part of child sexual development. However, sometimes childhood sexual behaviors can become concerning, problematic, or even harmful to other children. It is important to better understand the differences between normative sexual development and/or concerning or problematic behavior.

Problematic sexual behavior in children includes behaviors that are beyond the child’s developmental stage. They may involve threats or coercion and/or happen between children of widely different chronological or developmental ages. These behaviors can occur between children in different families or between siblings in the same family. They can sometimes be hurtful or involve the use of body parts or objects in a sexual manner. Problematic sexual behavior can also occur using technology or online communication.

Children develop problematic sexual behavior for a variety of reasons. These behaviors are most often related to some type of anxiety, traumatic experience, or poor impulse control. Children who demonstrate problematic sexual behavior often have other behavioral difficulties, such as impulsiveness, social skill deficits, and difficulty with self-regulation. Problematic sexual behavior has also been linked to factors like exposure to domestic violence, exposure to adult sexual activity or pornography, or inadequate supervision and rules around privacy. Although some children with problematic sexual behavior may have been sexually abused by an adult, it is important to note that this is not true for all.

It can be overwhelming for a parent to ask for help or consultation related to their child’s sexual behavior. There is often a sense of shame and stigma attached to childhood sexual behaviors. It is important to remember that a child with concerning or problematic sexual behavior is a child first. Caregivers seeking help need support and a message of hope from their providers. It is essential for the caregiver to be involved in treatment, and for treatment to include safety planning, the development of sexual behavior rules at an age-appropriate level, as well as other strategies often used in trauma-informed treatment models, such as feelings identification, relaxation techniques, and impulse control strategies. It also vital to note that children who receive treatment for problematic sexual behavior rarely go on to hurt others as adults. Treatment and education are the best prevention tools for a society free from sexual harm and abuse. Children’s Cove is committed to continuing to improve training and educational opportunities related to children’s sexual development and problematic behavior as part of our vision to create a community where children are free from abuse, have a voice that is heard, and where they enjoy healthy, safe, and empowered lives.

Our Mental Health Coordinator Kristine Monteiro is participating in a state-wide training and learning collaborative sponsored by Massachusetts Children’s Alliance (MACA) – and facilitated by the University of Oklahoma related to children ages 7-12 with problematic sexual behavior. MACA is also working with  Massachusetts Society for a World Free of Sexual Harm by Youth (MASOC) – which has developed an online training series related to problematic sexual behavior. You can find the training series on the MASOC website at www.masoc.net. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network in partnership with the National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth has developed a great resource guide for parents and providers that you can access here.

For further consultation or connection to resources, Kristine can be reached at 508-375-6927 or through email at kristine.monteiro@childrenscove.org

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The Top 10 Things You Need to Know About Child Trafficking in Southeastern Massachusetts

January 19, 2021

This article, it’s data and information included was written with input and information provided by team members from Children’s Cove, the Bristol County Children’s Advocacy Center, and the Plymouth County Children’s Advocacy Center.

In 2020, the Children’s Advocacy Centers for Cape Cod & the Islands, Bristol County and Plymouth County provided support and response services to approximately 280 child victims of human trafficking. Children in our communities, including Yarmouth, Westport, Fall River, Hingham, Brockton, Falmouth, Rochester, and Dartmouth, were identified as victims of sexual exploitation and human trafficking. Over the last several years, the child advocacy centers (CAC’s) in southeastern Massachusetts have worked collaboratively with every branch of law enforcement and child protective services to provide a coordinated response to child trafficking. Often challenged with a greater understanding of the issue, we want to raise awareness of the terms, signs, and issues surrounding child trafficking, particularly in southeastern Massachusetts.

1. The Definition of Human Trafficking

Human trafficking is widely defined as “a crime that involves exploiting a person for labor, services, or commercial sex.” Massachusetts state law further defines the trafficking of children as the Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC). The CAC’s of Massachusetts recognize that CSEC occurs when a person under the age of 18 engages, agrees to engage, or offers to engage in sexual conduct with another person in return for a fee or an exchange of food, shelter, clothing, education, or care. Child sexual abuse material (child pornography) can also be considered a form of trafficking.

2. Exchange Doesn’t Always Involve Money

While money is used as an exchange for exploitation, we often see the exchange of basic needs, such as shelter, food or transportation to exploit children. Additionally, we have witnessed the exchange of substances, including alcohol, marijuana, and nicotine products (vaporizers) in our region. Lastly, the exchange for beauty products, such as eye-lash extensions, manicures, hair styling, and in-store purchased items of value, are being used for both boys, girls and transgendered youth as a means of sexual exploitation.

3. Boys are Trafficked Too

There is a common misconception that girls are the only gender who are sexually exploited. Across the region, most of the sexually exploited youth have been identified as female. However, there have been an increasing number of male youths who have requested help or have been identified as victims. Similarly to other reports of abuse boys tend to under-report sexual exploitation too. By raising awareness that males are also victims of sexual exploitation, we hope to minimize the stigma of boys and young men requesting support and increase awareness for adults who can learn about the signs of exploitation in boys.

4. Human Trafficking Happens at Every Age

The average age of children (boys, girls and trans youth) we see being exploited in Southeast Massachusetts trends towards 13-years-old. However, children as young as 7 have been victims of trafficking. Additionally, trafficking does not end at 18, the exploitation continues as an adult.

5. Trafficking is in Your Town, and Maybe in Your Own Home

Human trafficking is not a far away issue, but one that is happening in our own back yards. Very often, children are exploited in their own homes, and in their own bedrooms, with their parents within reach. When children have access to technology, they can access and explore the world. In return, the world has access to them. With the onset of COVID-19 and more unsupervised time online, we have seen a dramatic increase in the exploitation of children online in this region. There has also been a regional surge in the creation and exploitation of child sexual abuse material (child pornography). Sometimes children are manipulated to create and send these images by online predators unknown to them. Other times, these images are self-produced and sent to peers. These images can then be shared without their knowledge or consent and can be used to exploit them more. At worse, these images can force a child into engaging in behaviors and actions they wouldn’t otherwise engage in or transition them into the world of in-person trafficking.

6. The Digital World Can Hide the Evidence

Children have the ability to create or access nearly an unlimited amount of social media profiles, fake email accounts, and online monetary exchanges such as CashApp, PayPal, and Venmo. These apps keep the evidence of exploitation hidden behind a mobile or internet-based device. We have seen an increasing trend of children being exploited over Snapchat, Instagram, Tik-Tok, Sugar-Daddy/Baby, and adult dating websites. The ability for an adult /exploiter to send money via an online service often makes it difficult for parents and caregivers to know that their children are receiving money in exchange for their exploitation online.

7. Trafficking Impacts All Backgrounds:

There is no one “profile” of a child who is exploited/trafficked. While there are some factors that lead to an increased risk, such as homelessness, in DCF custody/care, or living in residential group homes, trafficking impacts all backgrounds. Trafficking does not discriminate. Cases have originated from almost every town in the southeast region, regardless of economic status or geographical location. This has impacted our children everywhere from the smaller towns like Marion, Falmouth, and Dartmouth to the larger areas such as New Bedford, Fall River and Brockton. People who exploit children don’t care about their socioeconomic backgrounds; they simply care that they are children.

8. Children Can’t Sell Themselves

We have heard cringeworthy language describing the exploitation of children. By law, a person under the age of 18 is a child. There’s no discussion here. A child cannot be a prostitute. In Massachusetts, by law, a child cannot consent to selling sexual content or acts. A child is not promiscuous. A child cannot “ask for it.” An adult is making the choice to purchase a child. An adult is making the choice to traffic or enable the exploitation of a child. An adult is committing a crime against a child. We need a significant change of language, and we need everyone to embrace holding adults who exploit or demean children accountable.

9. Exploitation is Being Normalized

Over the years, we have seen an increase in scary trends, which are pouring out into the futures of our children with nearly no breakers to the rising tide. “Sexting,” or sending sexually explicit text messages and images, has become a rapidly growing social norm for kids and teens. CashApp, Venmo and Paypal links are in children’s social media bio’s more than their ages or pet names. The rise of Sugardaddy and Sugarbaby websites are waiting for children the day they turn 18, and OnlyFans accounts and websites have an age verification system on par with a “click here.” Children are being inundated with social media personalities selling their images every day. Media plays a large role in reinforcing this behavior in children. What’s more, the buyers of these images and behaviors online are encouraged and hailed as nearly philanthropic. The nuances of adult versus child exploitation are fading away.

10. It Doesn’t Have to be This Way

There is a myth that everyday people cannot do anything about human and child trafficking, and it is false. Everyone can do their part to raise awareness of the issue. You can reach out to your local Children’s Advocacy Center and ask how you can learn more about the issue, or request a training for your local community, school, or child serving organization or business. You can report suspicious behaviors to your local CAC, law enforcement agency or file a report with the Department of Children and Families if you have concerns that a child is being exploited. If you see or suspect child sexual abuse material online or on social media, you can report it to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. You don’t need to know who the exploiter is; he or she can be unknown to you–what’s important is that you make the report.

As a parent, we want you to have the conversation with your children about body and online safety. You can set ground rules for internet usage and access. You can have these difficult conversations about online exploitation with your children and start when they are young. Most of all, believe children if they make a report, advocate for children in having their needs met, and always focus on the health, wellness and safety of children in our community.

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The need for communication this holiday season

December 13, 2020

For many, this year’s holiday season has dramatically shifted away from the norm. Whether this means more work, or less, it undoubtably causes stress. While the holiday season is often one of joy, sharing, family and love, many children and families who have experienced trauma face additional challenges. The realities of many types of loss, combined with the whirlwind and varying impacts of COVID-19, may make it difficult to see the wonder of the season. However, there are ways to make this holiday season meaningful, less stressful, and joyful this year.

As with any topic that causes anxiety, the first step is to talk about it. Depending on if you have very young children who don’t understand all the differences this year may bring, or you have older children who do, this conversation may be very different. For young children, it may not involve them more than simply explaining that some traditions may be different. The details don’t matter as much as clearly communicating and then adding in something they will get to experience as an excitement. For older children, it may be helpful for your family to talk about how everyone is feeling. Understanding and communicating fears, hopes, frustrations and anticipation may help everyone come together for a common goal. Perhaps there are traditions that can be continued that will mean even more. There may be something that holds an importance you hadn’t realized. Or, if there are some things that just can’t happen, or can’t be fixed, expressing your sadness and frustration may help your children reconcile their own feelings. Communication and transparency can help the connection with your children and move toward the things that bring joy.

Another critical component this season is self-care. Parents and caregivers often take on the frustration, anger, sadness and disappointment of their children during loss, trauma and grief. For those with younger children, the realization of what your children are going to miss out on feels like an extra burden when making what they can experience that much more special. To support your children in the holiday season, you must first support yourself; much like the oxygen mask on an airplane, if you can’t breathe, you can’t help another.

Carve out time for yourself, identify what is going to make you happy and help you relax. Don’t put this off! Self-care practices are often the first to go after what can be even a minor inconvenience. Identify at least one activity (something you do, not take, eat or drink) that calms you down, releases anxiety or frustration, and practice it daily. Double doses of self-care are recommended. Talk with your partner, family or friends about what you look forward to in the holiday season and find something you know will bring you joy.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network has put together a guide for parents in navigating this holiday season with children and teens. Their resources, suggestions and tools may help you find that “ah-ha!” moment in supporting your family’s holiday.

Happy Holidays from all of us at Children’s Cove

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Missions can be dark, but visions are filled with light.

November 17, 2020

There is so much happening in the world right now, and many are left feeling overwhelmed. Consequently, we have retreated inwards and become smaller, but our exposures to world content have magnified. “Doomscrolling” describes the invasion of negativity in our lives from social media flooded with the interminable loop of pessimism.

So why are we talking about it? Well, because the important messages of our work at Children’s Cove are being lost.

Speaking about crimes against children is not glamorous, and our mission is far from the inspirational messaging we need and crave now. However, it’s a part of what defines us, our passion, and our dedication to our community and children, even during turbulent times. Children’s Cove provides compassionate, comprehensive, and collaborative response services, at no cost to survivors of child abuse, through evidence-based programs, a network of community partnerships, educational outreach, and awareness efforts. Our multidisciplinary team collaborates to empower survivors, promote healthy outcomes, and to help mitigate the stigma of child abuse. Through that process and gritty work, we provide hope and healing for child survivors of trauma and abuse.

Our work can be overwhelming, and the issues are daunting. But, in all this darkness, there is light: we are providing hope and healing for children. As the word “pandemic” has been ubiquitous this year, we might consider that child sexual abuse has been a pandemic we have faced for generations. One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused in some way before his or her 18th birthday. The youngest children in our nation are at the most risk for abuse, neglect and trauma. In 2018, nearly 700,000 children were victims of abuse or neglect. Unlike other illnesses, childhood trauma impacts individuals across a lifetime.

But there is hope. We all can make a significant impact on stopping abuse in our lifetimes! The perceived shame and taboo, alongside the lack of attention to these important issues contributes to the fact that only 10 percent of victims disclose their abuse. If we change the narrative of talking about childhood abuse and trauma to a conversation of safety and resiliency, we can make a difference. If we create national public safety and awareness messages about sexual abuse and trauma being unacceptable behavior, we can make a difference. If we urge public drive and engagement on the level of other issues in our nation, we can create significant changes today.

Don’t Doomscroll past our mission; share our vision. You, too, can help us create a community where children are free of abuse, have a voice that is heard, and where they enjoy healthy, safe, and empowered lives. We thank you.

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